This week's hypothesis: For table living, I need to repair my relationship with money and divert more of it to the front lines of justice work.

WAIT! COME BACK!!!

This is going to be a different kind of hypothesis essay, because it turns out that when I start writing about money, my head falls off.

Nothing causes me more stress than the dissonance between how I think I probably should be using money and how I am using money. Especially in the context of the table. I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Over the course of our life together, my husband and I have, variously: given 10+% of our annual gross income to our church; split that 10% between the church and social organizations; let the percentage slide until I can’t tell you exactly how much we’re sending out the door but have a nagging sense that it’s not enough. We’ve sometimes kept $5 bills in our pockets to give to people standing by the side of the road; we’ve sometimes driven right past those people, averting our eyes. We’ve sometimes sworn off Amazon and sometimes had Prime boxes arriving daily.

I could go on!

I believe, beyond question, that my use of money both reflects and shapes my values; at the same time, I prefer not to look head-on at what my spending says about my priorities. My current relationship status with money: it’s complicated.

I think (though tell me if I’m wrong!) we can agree that:

  • Money is fraught. It’s not values-neutral. We know, deep down, that our financial comfort is somehow connected to others’ desperate need.
  • Money has to be part of our table practice. On a global scale, we (middle- to upper-class) Americans are wealthy. What, am I going to show up at the Big Table with my own fancy basket of food and wine and dishes, enough for my nuclear family, while my table-mates have nothing? No, ma'am! We know, we Know, that we need to share more.

But…how?

OK. Part of me wants to say, well, dammit, Michelle, just do it! Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be, friend! Send more of your income out the door every month, though that means saving or spending less! There is no ethical system in the history of the world that supports hoarding wealth, or dropping it on needless luxury, while others starve!

But another part of me says: it may be simple, but it ain’t easy. And anything worth doing is worth doing thoughtfully and sustainably. And anything I do is…gonna be done neurotically.

So! With the assumption that we need to be transferring more money to people who need it more than we do, and with the intention to move purposefully in that direction, dammit…here’s a partial list of my questions about money vis-á-vis the table. I wonder which of these (or others) resonate most with you.

HOW MUCH?

What percentage of my income should I be diverting to people who literally have no (or little, or poor) food, shelter, access to legal services or education (or to the organizations that serve those people)?

Why be so granular and prescriptive? Why do all major religions stipulate a percentage? Isn’t this legalistic, upping the shame factor?

How to go about sharing forms of wealth that aren’t wages from work? Like…gifts or inheritances from relatives? Savings? Increase in home value? What about investments—e.g., making money by having money?

How to think about spending money on “me and mine”—enrichment for my children, which in my social milieu feels like base-level care—vs spending it on genuinely base-level care (food, shelter) for other children? To put a fine point on it: how to deal with the truth that, for example, the $150/month I spend for my son’s rock-climbing lessons could purchase a year of healthcare for 48 very poor people?

Am I rich? ’Cause I don’t feel rich.

How do taxes play in?

TO WHOM?

How can I possibly decide which issue(s) to address financially, when there are so many to care about?

How to decide what/whom to support? How to know whether organizations are legit, not wasting money or using it in ways inconsistent with my values?

Should I support local, national, or international organizations? Or…individuals? How?

What about supporting my religious institution? Does that “count”?

Is it better to support one organization in a big way or several organizations in small ways?

AND WHAT ABOUT…?

How to proceed if you and your partner have different opinions about allll of this?

What’s the best language to use here, since language shapes our thinking and behavior? Donate? Send? Share? Give? Divert? Redistribute?! There’s a spectrum here, from most to least savior-y (and, not for nothing, most to least Marxist).

How do I shift my attitudes and habits? Who are our best teachers on this? How does someone’s life change when they start sending 2%, 5%, 10%, 50% of their wealth out the door each month?

And: How can we talk about money and wealth (and the imperative to share it) honestly, generatively, confidently, and humbly, without judging or hiding or shame or loss of our whole damn minds?

OK, it’s time for me to hit “publish” on this one, before my brain explodes further. How do you think about money in light of the table? Any good scripts or wisdom you’ve heard and want to pass on? Which of these questions should we tackle first? Do you wig out about this like I do? If not, why not? Dish!